A Retrospection and Refactor

Verloren sei uns der Tag, wo nicht ein Mal getanzt wurde! Und falsch heißt uns jede Wahrheit, bei der es nicht ein Gelächter gab!

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I’ve been struggling for 3 years searching for the meaning of life and kept fighting although occasionally stuck and rethinking what I am working on in the time of being. How time flies, it’s been 2.5 years after being a university student, I can still remember the day I entered the University together with my parents.

Just like a Github repository, I think it’s time for me to refactor my life, not a minor one, a major change. I am fed up with persuading myself to pursue a dual degree in Chemical Engineering and Computer Science. With a single Chemical Engineering major, I suffer but I have time to be excellent. With a dual degree goal, I suffer double but end up being plain in both subjects. At least, I feel, I am not quite into most of the curriculums in Chinese universities. Double courses are taken, double is the pain.

I am unable to change my major since the resource, particularly in Computer Science, is more in shortage. For some students, not being able to study Computer Science is a loss of higher pay, for me, a loss of a bunch of opportunities in the field that I love.

So in the past 2.5 years, all I did was keep on going with pain. Taking many courses in both major, keep pushing myself, feeling tired, end up with plain in both subjects. The traditional choices for me are only 2 to get graduated from university, one is to major only in Chemical Engineering, another is to at the meanwhile, get a dual degree in Computer Science. But I hate both, recently, I think it’s time to think more like an adult. Does that university degree really mean that much to me?

I’ve always been submissive in middle school and at home, and most of the time a straight-A student. Doing what I was supposed to do at the right age seemed to have rewarded me a lot. And that’s what my Papa has always taught me to do things. Make plans for yourself, good self-management and then get what you want. And he tried to give me advice via Wechat when I am out home at the university. But I think this time, it may not work. How a deduction could be true if it is wrong starting from n = 0, or how can you build a skyscraper if the basis is loose. It turns out that being forced to do something that you don’t like by expectation and conventions only brings about procrastination and hatred.

I think it’s time for me to declare today that I will stop myself from being trapped by the certificate paper. No one ever can better judge me by myself, and how can such a paper. I think I have learned what I need from university, the ability to learn, unlearn and relearn, the ability to speak, read, write in English massively, to learn MOOC courses in English. And being a market with low efficiency, opportunities are given by ration, as a student major in Chemical Engineering while only interested in Computer Science, I think it’s time for me, myself, to seek opportunities for myself, not waiting another 2.5 years to get a dual degree and ever expecting that certificate will make me a millionaire.

I am not an extremely radical person. I decided that I should from now on, take the minimum courses to stay in the university and find chances to go to a CS lab and get some interns in the near future.

In retrospection, I think one thing from my dad is right, that is to manage myself better. Bad moods sometimes make people crazy and can easily crash a young brain. Now that I’ve decided to quit for long term good. I can clearly feel that I still have 2 things to learn more, to be braver and to be more exact. In terms of braveness, it’s more about openness, be more open, and everything will be better. To be more exact, as Francis Bacon once stated, one of the best ways is to read more, to think more and to write more. Hope this article being the starting point of refactoring myself.